I remember, aged 11, being morbidly obsessed with the idea I was fat. At the time, I was a totally normal weight, but somehow got it into my head that I was a lumbering oaf, way, way fatter than all the other girls at school. And even then, I used to like to dress in order to hide, tucked under long jumpers and coats and black...lots of lovely, slimming black.
Later on, it turns out I did have some pretty impressive weight-gathering genes, lurking beneath the surface, so I've been pretty fat (17 stone) and close to being thin (10 stone). And today, after years of trying to slay the fat dragon, am now somewhere in the middle at a less-than-pleasing 13.5 stone.
Name the diet and I've done it, and for a while at least, succeeded. Slimming World, Atkins, Cambridge, Slim Fast, Weight Watchers....gah, I must have spent thousands, but I guess none of it really tackled why I overeat in the first place.
So here I am, approaching the end of my 30s, trying to make sense of a lifelong pattern and deal with it once and for all. I'm just tired of the merry-go-round of diet/fall-off-wagon/diet/fall-off-wagon. Am also tired of missing out on things and opportunities because I'm having a 'fat day'. It's holding me back, when everything in my life is moving forward.
Is it fixable? Who knows?!
But I figure if I make this public, then I'm (vaguely) doing something different t (only a fool does the same thing over and over, each time expecting a different result) and also, making myself accountable. And maybe it'll help others too?
And so I begin again...again.
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