Later, some friends asked me for dinner and I felt this immediate 'oh no, how will I eat...?' And then soon banished that thought. My former way of eating was to use going out as an excuse to 'stop the diet'. But this way of eating means I can do and have what I like, I just stop when my body has been happily fed.
I had a lovely dinner and in the end, got so busy chatting that I didn't even think about the food. I ate it, enjoyed it, but I didn't overeat it. The company was balm to the soul, on what had been a shocker of a day.
It again highlights how deeply ingrained some of these thought processes have become. I'm ashamed to admit that food has, for years, dominated my thoughts. I've tied myself up in knots over 'good days' and 'bad days' and have (and still do) believe that when I eat too much or weigh more than I'd like to, that I am a bad, rotten, disgusting person.
It strays so far from God's version of me, that when I look at it baldly, I'm astounded.
You'd never talk to your friends, the way you sometimes talk to yourself.
I read that somewhere recently and realised how deeply unkind I am to myself. I don't know how to stop that, but I am becoming aware of it, and that's a good start.
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