Why don't you switch the light on, girl?

Just read this.  I want to walk in the light, not stumble around like a plonker, in the dark.

If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin. (1 John 1:6-7 MSG)

Here's how it works...

I'm not a scientist or a nutritionist (the world of science thanks me for that) but I figure one of our biggest food issues, is not what we eat, but how much we eat.   Food today is probably packed out with loads of addictive rubbish, but it is still possible to have 'a little of what you fancy'.  It's a question of how much.

For me, I have good days and bad days.  A good day means sticking (to the letter) to a set amount of calories. So come supper time, even if I wasn't hungry, I'd be fishing about for stuff to nibble on, so I could polish off my 'calorie allowance' for the day.

A bad day on the other hand, meant letting it all hang on, usually eating very little by day and then having a bottle of Prosecco for dinner with a nice carb-heavy meal...think Pasta, cream, cheese or fajitas.  Oh how I looooovveee fajitas.   The result of that though is a heavy 'food hangover' the next day - feeling disgusting, bloated and guilty.  

I would wake up in the morning, feeling lethargic and unhappy with myself. The 'action' of those feelings is to then wear black and to 'hide' my body.

Much of this stream of thought is unconscious - but people always comment when I've lost weight, more so because they notice I'm wearing brighter clothes.

So this experiment is to become more aware of what I'm shovelling in my mouth and more aware of my thought processes.  

After yesterday's sort of blue day, an arrow shot through my head, 'go home, eat, relax'.  But how would that make stuff any better?  Having a plate of creamy carbs isn't going to fix the problems I'm facing...though it'd probably provide a temporary escape.  

Funny how my brain has become wired in this way.   This is what I'm trying to smash.  It's a starve-binge cycle that's messed up and which fixes nada.

Day 3 begins...

Weighing in

I weighed in yesterday (after Sunday's awfulness) at 13:6 stone.  All day yesterday, I felt yuck and annoyed at myself, but started to realise that self-flagellation doesn't fix a thing.  In the end, the only thing that matters, that really matters to God, is getting up again and starting over, each time I fail.

So yesterday's eating was all about a new approach; thoughtful eating. 

I eat too often without thinking, eat in front of the tv, eat on the move and rarely do I stop to savour and enjoy.  And oh, I never, ever say grace either.  Sounds like a small, religious sort of thing to do...but what if 'grace' was just that, a prayer before meals to have the grace to eat well and not over-indulge?   

Anyway, feel somewhat better today, and this morning, had shifted 2lbs of yesterday's horror weight, bringing me in at 13:4.

Read my Bible this morning and Proverbs 14:29 (AMP version) jumped out at me;

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is hasty of spirit exposes and exalts his folly. [Prov. 16:32; James 1:19.] (Proverbs 14:29 AMP)

Hasty of spirit.  This is the part I am thinking about, in conjunction with eating. When eating is a hasty affair, with little thought to the size, content or value of what I'm about to shovel in, it becomes a problem.   Hasty of spirit...I like that thought and am going to tuck it away, for a later point in the journey.

P.s have put the scales away now till Friday. No more obsessive weigh ins.  Can I wait that long???